July 28, 2004
This is my 18th year of my life.
What have I done for myself so far? I dunno.
Jiayu told me that I have always been a very nice & helpful guy, (and all thanks to you that I have been thinking about this for so long, how long can I last this way?) I could have been one. All I know that I have gone too far. I had endured being used, giving generously and trying to give whatever others need no matter what it takes. I seldom think for myself. Never was I my first priority. I can plan every single second, every single cent I have for others. What's left for myself at the end of the day? Nothing. You might say I have a large group of friends in return, but its always too large for me. I cant handle it all. There isn't might time left.
I gave up my sleep.
I gave up my friendships.
I gave up my studies.
I gave up my health.
I gave up my freedom.
I gave up almost everything.
I almost gave up myself.
never in my whole life I felt that I am that important to any particular friend, group, class, school and even the society. I always feel that I am not important.When i think that nobody remembers my existence, and the more I wanna prove them. What's the point? From the days I started irc, I spent hours and hours to get friends to know me. From the days I started playing soccer, I spent days and weeks practicing, and I never gave up. All I wanted was a group of friends to accept me. From the day I started conference over the phone, I spend nights trying to know my friends better. . From the day I started playing network games, I hoped I can have the same interests as my friends. From the day I started chilling till wee hours with my friends, I lost faith to my family cry, I steal, I lie, I drink, I smoke. I gave up almost everything I got. But nobody ever listen to what I got to say. They never take me seriously. Call me a crybaby, an asshole, a fagger, a liar, a mother fucker. Whatever you got. but i never gave up trying.
I lost my group of friends before. On WC3, on CS, on soccer, on my attitude. You might be right Alex. You guys are the best batch of friends I ever had, lianghian, longwen, raymond, kahkee, melvin, yilin, nicky, reynard, nicky, jiayu, marilyn, chinyee, zi chuan, peter, kenji, eric, dominic, dan, every single one of you I have missed out. I thank you guys for enduring my silliness, my stubbornness, my rudeness, my everything.
You still treat me as a friend. We are still friends.
3 Justice 2001 rocks.
4 Justice 2002 rocks.
Human relations is the toughest subjection in life. Nobody will ever score full marks, barely a A. or should i say noone can ever grade it. its gradeless, pointless, no system to measure its value.
even when times are bad I am glad I got to know a group of gamers: Dom, ber, alex, melvyn, andy, fel, louis, holly, alicia, yy, shan, vikk, ron, chong, ken, kk and every single QuizQuiz gamers, DamnHappening forums, Blogspot. I liked everyone of u, I hadfun. Its okay for you guys to tease me. I am okay as long as you, my friends are happy. I learned a lot of things, no other places will teach. $$ cant buy.
QQ, DHF RAWKS.
Yes. I enjoyed my life, in return of everything.
I know nothing is free. Something has to be taken away.
I started working. Yes. Its almost 2 years already. I loved all of my colleagues. No matter how naggy, how unfair, how bad-tempered you people are, I always try to understand and give in. Even if I have to work till as if I am an under-paid dog, I will still stay. Because you guys really spiced up my life.
TR ROCKZ.
life in TP had never been better without all my mates. TB028. YOU ROCKS. Love everyone of you even when I say I hate you, which I dun mean to. esp to junwei. You are too perfectionist at times but you still rocks. I Dunne where I might have been without you. =D I got to know more of my mates, almost half of the LT. Everyone rocks. You guys are people I can really rely on.
TP ROCKS, SL ROCKS, A&F ROCKS.
I gave up too much, there isn't much time left and I wan to do a lot of things for myself and my family. I want to score. I wan my freedom. I wan my life and I still want my friends. I want to have everything.
thanks to chantel, yihan, & yongsen , and all thanks to them I am what have came to this pt of life cheerfully today. (not forgetting my family.) I love you guys, the best of the best. Sorry for I neglected a bunch of yumin clicks. rafdi, sunny, lewis, alex, ee chow. I really miss those times we had crazy times together.
YUMIN RULEZ.
I want to change.
I have decided my way.
I dun care what u have to say
I just need your support.
I gonna live my way.
tonight, its tears of joy. no matter how drastic my soul, i still believe.
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