September 02, 2004
extracted from Alicia's Blog
SOULFUL RELATIONSHIP
An African proverb states, "
Before you get married,
keep both eyes open, and
after you married, close one
eye".
Before you get involved and make a
commitment to
someone, don't let lust, desperation, immaturity,
ignorance, pressure from others or a low self-esteem,
make you
blind to warning signs. Keep your eyes open,
and don't
fool yourself that you can
change someone or
that what you see as
faults aren't really important.
Once you decide to
commit to someone, over time his or
her flaws, vulnerabilities, pet peeves, and
differences will become more obvious.
If you
love your mate and want the
relationship to
grow and
evolve, you've got to learn to close one eye
and not let every little thing bother you. You and
your mate have many different expectations, emotional
needs, values, dreams, weaknesses, and strengths.
You are two
unique individual children of God who have
decided to
share a life together.
Neither of you are
perfect, but are you perfect for
each other? Do you bring out the best in each other?
Do you
compliment and
compromise with each other, or
do you compete, compare and control? What do you bring
to the relationship? Do you bring past relationships,
past hurt, past mistrust, past pain?
You can't take someone to the altar to
alter him or
her. You can't make someone love you or make someone
stay. If you develop self-esteem, spiritual
discernment, and " a life", you won't find yourself
making someone else responsible for your
happiness or
responsible for your
pain.
Manipulation, control, jealousy, neediness, and
selfishness are not the ingredients of a thriving,
healthy, loving and lasting relationship! Seeking
status, sex, wealth, and security are the wrong
reasons to be in a relationship.
What keeps a relationship
strong?
Communication, intimacy, trust, a sense of humor,
sharing household tasks, some get away time without
business or children and daily exchanges (a meal,
shared activity, a hug, a call, a touch, a note).
Leave a nice message on the voicemail or send a nice
email.
Sharing common goals and interests. Growth is
important. Grow together, not away from each other,
giving each other space to grow without feeling
insecure. Allow your mate to have outside interest. You
can't always be together. Give each other a sense of
belonging and
assurances of commitment. Don't try to
control one another?
Learn each other's family situation.
Respect his or
her parents regardless.
Don't put pressure on each other for material goods.
Remember for richer or the poorer. If these qualities
are missing, the relationship will erode as
resentment, withdrawal, abuse, neglect, dishonesty,
and pain replace the passion.
The difference between
"United" and "Untied" is where
you put the "i"??.
End of Extraction
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