January 29, 2005
if someone is to tell me what is happening... i will be very glad to do anything, YES anything in return.
at this point of time at 6.00am on a saturday morning, i just came back from a unhappy mahjong session. cuz i lost $$ thats why i am unhappy. in addition, those money are planned to get myself a new phone, table, and some other stuff.
but its not that i am really unhappy, just that some sadness in parting away with some planned $$ in this way that i din intend to spend it like this, gamble that is. mahjong is really my kind of game n USUALLY i wont lose, or shld i say i dun lose much, in perfect happy mood conditions. but right now..... LIFE IS SUCH A BURDEN!
guess ever since i lost to raymond $$$$$$ at lance hse... i have been a loser all the way. never did i win any 4Ds or Totos, or even those stupid scratch n wins. but still i like to gamble... and maybe this way of spending money is a way of my stress relieve. thats why i am still poor to this point of time where i am working n working like no one's business and yet i cant afford to buy myself things i want.
i cant remember where i spend my 2year salary of with at least 200bucks on an average monthly. its just so naturally disappeared from my wallets. guess its time i have to control... control.. n control.. can someone control me? i just hate the freedom i am having right now.
work is nevertheless busy this friday evening n going to so wulu cranwell bungalow gives me another hole. but still.. i guess i am enjoying myself from friendly co-workers n some old pals at the bungalow. seeing everyone still cheerful n having fun is the best reward for me even if it means to sacrifice every single physical n mental strength of mine. I HATE TO SEE FRIENDS AROUND ME BEING UNHAPPY ABOUT SOMETHING WHICH THEY REFUSE TO SAY.
even if i say so... i myself is this kind of person. maybe its the mindset that i shldnt be bothering them with problems or my own. n even if i had said it out... they would think i am stupid, over sensative n not paying much attention to what is happening around. so i guess i just have to keep them to myself becuz nobody is being frank with me either. to rub it, i hate myself for this.
now what i am going to sort out myself is some financial controlling difficulties, and some other issues of life.
dont ever ask me about it cuz i wont be saying either. to make a note that i dun even know how to say myself too.
times up dude. its 615 n i shld be getting some sleep for the next working shift.
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home