August 19, 2005
I am very tired and sleepy now
in bsc room. what the hell am i doing here?
again?
i asked.
there is our AGM tml
sub comm camp tml
and dear ask me... why i am doing everything?
i wondered.
do i have to do all these?
is it worth all the sacrifices?
what am i doing all these for?
i have no answers to them.
but still, hours ago, i went home to pack my back
with formal wear, sneakers, shorts, shirts,
pouch, 3 big bags. at 12am i went to sch.
goodness sake.
i think dear saw my msg and is totally pissed with me
she wont even reply to me
i dun think she is sleeping.
it just seems to me, i can read alittle of what she is thinking
the things i do, how she react.
all my assumptions. ya.
i even sacrifice the new epi of bleach (45)
watched only 10mins, rushed out hse to catch the last last bus
if there is any. i took a cab.
security checked me. fine.
i went through every little thing to find jo sleeping here.
i am suppose to do some work with her.
she sleep. yah. and i am here typing away.
so young man, what is my purpose here, 3 in the morning
in sch, in the place i spend most of my time, in bsc room?
sorry dear, i cant make promises,
i wanted to be determined to let go every worry i have for bsc,
i thought, lets leave it alone after i come back from SIP.
will i be able?
or is it too latE? why not before the exams?
i thought of the projects i have to handle.
i am confused, dilemma never give choices.
tml i will have a busy day, going class at 9,
rushing to clementi, bedok and back to sch.
i sort of regretted staying over in school..
what the point?
i see myself in a stupid position, covering up for the duties of the others.
i think.. i can let go.. sooner than i think i can.
my powers aint that important...
its you, my family, whom i really want to give this effort to.
sorry if i had hurt you, my love ones.
-depression.-
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